Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
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