if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
