I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
