Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Randomize
