I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
