glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
