hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
