SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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