you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
