i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
