Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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