i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Randomize
