A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
