I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
