I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Randomize
