i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Randomize
