my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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