Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
