Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
