How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
he fucked my hip out of place.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Less talking, more tequila
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
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