Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
