she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Randomize