Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Randomize
