i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Randomize
