hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
