You smell like a Billy Joel song
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Randomize