You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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