i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Randomize
