You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
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