Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
