so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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