Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
