Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
