Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
