I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
