sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Randomize
