I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
