I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Randomize
