I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
