i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
