Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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