# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
