my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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