Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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