Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
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