I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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