I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
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