well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Randomize
