He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
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