Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Randomize
