so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Randomize
