I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
