____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
