so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
