The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
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