Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
