she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
