So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
