I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
