I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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