He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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