Me too!
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
