She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize