I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
