Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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