She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
