my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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