first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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