$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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