i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
