you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
