Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
