apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize