i don't like sucking hair
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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